NFL Aesthetics Department: Who’s Number One?
Each year around this time, I like to deviate a little from my blog’s usual content and have a little fun. This year, since I’ve been spending many of my waking hours on formatting and going through my final edits on Lord of Columbia, these NFL-based articles are a nice, little mental break. Without further ado, here are my NFL Uniform Rankings for 2018.
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers- Let’s start with Tampa Bay, where, well, I’m still trying to figure out everything about this look. The only thing working for them at this point is the helmet, but to be honest, the 1997-2013 look is (was) much better.
31. Cincinnati Bengals- Uniforms or Halloween costumes? Like Tampa, the helmet is good, but that’s the only thing working for them right now. From the weird side-panels to circular numbering fonts, the Bengals uniforms need a lot of work. These uniforms are dated, screaming Reebok-era early-2000’s.
30. Atlanta Falcons- The uniform, like the Bengals’ uniforms, are dated Reebok-era duds. Literally, duds. Also, I never knew the Falcon logo was supposed to be an ‘F.’ Isn’t that interesting? The uniform gets an F.
29. Arizona Cardinals- Yet another uniform reminiscent of early-200’s Reebok. What’s worse? The black alternates. What’s even worse? The black accents. What’s even worse? The red on red look. The only plus here is the traditional home and away look isn’t by any means the worst.
28. Baltimore Ravens- I can’t get past the cartoon-logo on the helmet. It’s far and away the worst helmet logo in football. Purple and black is a great color combo, but the weird numbering font doesn’t work, nor does the endless array of uniform combinations. The only thing keeping these around in my opinion? They won two Super Bowls in them.
27. Carolina Panthers- Carolina blue is a great color. Why isn’t it the primary? That’d be the first thing they need to fix. Second, get rid of the black socks. Get this look flooded with Carolina blue on everything but the helmet. Third, the uniform is beyond dated; it screams 1990’s. What do I like about it? The color combo isn’t bad, the helmet logo is timeless, and the metallic silver works.
26. Denver Broncos- They won three Super Bowls in them, so it’s going to stick. However, the uniform, like Carolina’s, screams 90’s. Furthermore, the orange jersey on navy blue helmet looks like trash. What do I like? Like Arizona, the (former) base home and road uniforms work.
25. Tennessee Titans- I’m actually a bit of a fan of these new uniforms, but they have one major flaw that caused them to tumble to 25: They look very eerily similar to the Houston Texans’ look. Isn’t that ironic? The former Houston team just changed their uniform to resemble that of their most bitter rivals.
24. New England Patriots- Yet another look that will stand the test of time because they won five Super Bowls in it. However, the side panels scream early-2000’s, a name like the Patriots and the addition of silver doesn’t make sense, and the blue pants on the roadies just makes the uniform look strange. This team had one of the most iconic looks of all-time until 1993.
23. Philadelphia Eagles- I love the fact they can easily swap the midnight green and go back to Kelly green if they want. The bad? Wow, from the black on black look to the black alternates in general just doesn’t work. What else? Midnight green just makes the whole look, well, dank, in my opinion.
22. Seattle Seahawks- I think Nike came into the NFL to make the Seahawks one of many experiments for a future NFL look. While the experiment backfired (a la Jaguars, Bucs), it actually works for Seattle. However, the Seahawks, from 2002-2011 had the absolute worst uniform in league history, so anything would’ve worked.
21. Jacksonville Jaguars- Ah, a much, much more refreshing look. The all-black helmet is back (finally), the uniforms have no weird piping or accents, and the numbering and lettering are traditional. Why are they at 21? They have far too many combos (the teal is going to look abysmal), and geez, would it have killed them to have put some piping on the pants?
20. New Orleans Saints- This look would surge. It. Would. Surge. Why is it so low? Black pants. The black pants are absolutely horrific. Get rid of the black pants and make the gold pants exclusive once more.
19. Minnesota Vikings- I love the Vikings’ purple primaries. I love the fact they changed uniforms and are leaning traditional. However, the weird swoosh numbering and stripes cause them to tumble. Furthermore, the black facemasks just look odd, considering there’s no black anywhere else on the uniform.
18. Miami Dolphins- Thank goodness they ditched the weird navy-blue outlines. However, the 2013 helmet logo is a significant downgrade to the traditional logo. Bring it back, and the Dolphins will surge.
17. Detroit Lions- They got rid of the Millen-era black accents. Great, but why the darker shade of gray? If they go with a lighter shade, Detroit will rise. Other than that, everything else regarding the look is magnificent.
16. Cleveland Browns- Best helmet in the league, change my mind. The shadow-drop I actually like, and the white-on-white away uniforms work. However, the brown jersey looks out of place, and the multiple uniform combos are annoying. But, word has it the Browns are flipping back to their past look in 2020.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers- The Steelers are always in the top-five in these rankings, but they have a few issues. One, the weird numbering font. Two, the helmet numbers are annoying. Go back to the block fonts and get rid of the helmet numbers, and they’ll be in the top-ten.
14. Chicago Bears- I love the navy and orange. I love timeless looks, and the Bears’ uniforms have barely changed since the modern-era of football started. What do I not like? The look is great; I just like the other looks more.
13. New York Giants- The Giants have a great, plain look going on. I love the fact they have white pants as an option, and they need to switch to them full-time.
12. New York Jets- Ah, the green and white. Nothing can beat it. However, they need to revert to Kelly green if they want back in the top-ten.
11. Houston Texans- Too many people are harping on the Texans’ uniforms for being too degrading. I disagree. The Texans have been in the league since 2002 and have hardly changed a thing. They may be the NFL’s youngest franchise (in terms of founding), but they’re already one of the most traditional.
10. San Francisco 49ers- Ah, what can the 49ers do to make the look even better? Go back to the pre-1996 uniform.
9. Buffalo Bills- The Bills, from 2002-2010 had one of the worst looks in football, next to Seattle. However, since 2011, the Bills have returned to a very traditional look. The one flaw? They’ve come to wear the blue-on-blue look far too often.
8. Los Angeles Chargers- Ah, if there’s one thing that annoys me about the Chargers, it’s their reluctance to go revert to powder blue as their primaries. They’d be ranked number one if they ever go back to powder blue. The navy just doesn’t, and never will, add up.
7. Washington Redskins- Think what you want about their name, but they’ll always have one of the best looks in football. Even if they change their name down the road (preferably to the Braves, the franchise’s original name), the uniforms shouldn’t change.
6. Dallas Cowboys- One of the best looks in football. If only they can get rid of the metallic-silver pants. Please, get rid of the metallic pants.
5. Indianapolis Colts- Another uniform that’s stood the test of time. The horseshoe is one of the best logos in the NFL, and many legends have worn this look, from Johnny Unitas to Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck. That’s iconic.
4. Kansas City Chiefs- If the Washington Redskins are listening, this team actually did keep their uniforms the same after relocating AND changing their name from Dallas Texans to Kansas City Chiefs. And it’s been the same since 1960, 1963 as the Chiefs.
3. Los Angeles Rams- If only they can get rid of the gold accents forever, and they will, possibly in 2020. Reverting to the white ram horns were a good start.
2. Green Bay Packers- Yellow and green, the colors of autumn. Nothing speaks Autumn Thunder better than the Packers. Like the Colts, their uniforms have linked several legends, from Bart Starr to Brett Favre to Aaron Rodgers.
1. Oakland Raiders- Does anything top silver and black? Anything?
There you have it, my 2018 NFL Uniform Rankings! These are subject to change each year, and I’ll be certain to revisit this post next July to update it. Until then, Autumn Thunder is just around the corner, NFL fans!